Patterns provide a way for experts to document the lessons of their experience in such a way that novices can apply those lessons in new situations, and thus avoid costly errors. Furthermore, pattern languages provide a terse form of communicating complex situations and their solutions. While patterns are undoubtedly useful, learning what not to do in recurring situations is equally valuable, if not more so. Patterns that document the painful experience of negative consequences to familiar solutions are called antipatterns. In this paper three antipatterns relevant to systems engineering are introduced: Work-Breakdown Architectures refers to the phenomenon of project management artifacts influencing engineering decisions; Planning with Gantt Regard explores the nuances of project management techniques when applied to complex engineering; and Dogmatic About Dysfunction explains the cultural inertia that can inhibit progress. No claim is made that these are the only antipatterns found in the application of systems engineering, rather that, as the title suggests, they might provide the inspiration and impetus for documentation and identification of a robust catalog.